108 pounds?!

I'm alive! I know..I know. I fell into the black hole that most bloggers end up after a while but I promise I'm going to try and update more. In fact I am creating a YouTube channel just for my weight loss to go along with this blog so keep an eye out for a post about that!

So update!
I've lost 108 lbs!
Can you believe it? That's an entire America's Next Top Model!
Although I am proud of my hard work and how far I have come I almost feel disgusted I walked around that long with that much weight attached to my body. It weighed me down,made me sick,weakened my very soul. I don't think anyone out there who hasn't fought some sort of weight or self image battle can understand the changes that happen inside as well as outside. It's a constant war inside your head of "Can I do this?" And "I'm not good enough" Trust me I know all about it. And sometimes it just takes a while of staring at yourself in front of the mirror and accepting you WANT this change. Once you want it you can can achieve it.

I've told myself from now on that if I want something I will have it. And it's changed my way of thinking so much!

My goal is only 41 lbs away! I can't wait to treat myself to a gorgeous dress and heels and show myself off. I can't wait to see everyone's reaction. I can't wait to feel 100% confident. Confidence is key and I'm finally getting it back. I finally feel like I deserve all the good things life has to offer and I'm going to attain them all.

Love you all!

One Hot Mama

I have 57.8 lbs to go until I am at my "goal weight"
It isn't to say I may need to lose more by then or maybe I'll be the perfect size.
But 57.8 lbs seems a lot more attainable now that I've lost 92.2 lbs of it so far!
It's still only March and if I wasn't sick I think I probably could have met my goal  by my 1 year anniversary since I started this diet.

Of course my step dad thinks I'm crazy. He thinks it's impossible to lose that much weight in 4 months and maybe he's right but I'm sure as hell am going to try. I've promised myself once I do hit that goal I am going to buy myself a sexy dress. The kind of dress I'd never dare even look at before because I would look like a terrible stuffed sausage nightmare in. But I am going to deserve it and damn it I'm going to get it!

So on this day I will be taking myself out. Or maybe someone will offer to take me and show me off themselves. But either way I am going out to dinner or such. It's giving me something fun to look forward to.
I've spent the day in bed sick (Thanks laryngitis) looking for some dresses I'd love to maybe buy. I haven't found anything yet that catches my eye but the two dresses below did make me look twice. It HAS to hug my body and my new found curves. And I'll try to actually walk in some terribly high heels to make the look even sexier.

So here is to the next 4 months. 

I'm only 57 lbs away from throwing myself a party!

Let's dance!

Watermelon! Watermelon! Watermelon!

Yes it's FINALLY becoming that time of year when watermelon is being imported.
But the sad thing is nothing beats a fresh watermelon in the summertime. They are so much more crisp and delicious. I'm telling you watermelon is my lover. We've been together for a while now and we have had summers we'll never forget. Other then the magnificent taste,juicy texture,and being all around amazing watermelon is healthy!

That being said let's get into the nitty gritty.
1 entire cup of watermelon is only 46 calories!
I'm sure you have heard that watermelon is just full of sugar and nothing else so you won't lose weight.
This simply isn't true!
Ever wondered why obesity is so rare in Asia and Africa?Some have suggested that it's partly because people on these continents eat surprisingly large amounts of watermelon. (Watermelon is native to Africa, by the way.)
Besides being a wonderful choice for dieters, watermelon is unusually nutritious. Its delectable flesh has no cholesterol and virtually no fat (almost none of which is saturated)—a stellar accomplishment for a food often served as a dessert at picnics.
Watermelon will also give you a lot of potassium and vitamins A, C, and B6. And because watermelon is 92-percent water, it goes a long way toward satisfying your daily H2O requirement.

And boys! Did you know watermelon contains citrulline?A amino acid that dilates blood vessels in the same way as drugs for treating erectile dysfunction. Scientists have known about the citrulline for years, but until recently they thought most of it was in the rind. Now they've discovered that the flesh contains more than previously thought.
This doesn't mean that eating watermelon will produce an erection, since the amount of citrulline is still relatively low. But it probably can't hurt. And if you eat the rind, too.... (Watermelon pickles, anyone?)

Other reasons?

Energy Production
Watermelon is concentrated with b-vitamins. B-vitamins are responsible for alot of your body's energy production. This means eating watermelon can give you substantial energy. It also has high amounts of the the energizing nutrients magnesium and potassium. Eating watermelon is a safe alternative to taking energy drinks prior to exercise. It also hydrates you due to its high water content as opposed to caffeine filled energy drinks that dehydrate you.
Antioxidants
Watermelon is a natural source of nature's most powerful antioxidants. It is a good source of the antioxidant vitamins C and A. It is also a good source of the powerful antioxidant beta-carotene. Watermelon's antioxidants can help prevent a number of things. It reduces the risk of colon cancer, asthma, heart disease, osteoporosis, rheumatoid arthritis, and prostate cancer.
Antioxidants should be a staple in everyone's diet. They provide health benefits that other nutrients cannot. When it comes to things that are beneficial to your health antioxidants are at the top of the list. They are better than vitamins, minerals, protein, carbs, and any other nutrient because they have so many benefits. If you do not take some sort of antioxidant whether it be through food or something else you should consider incorporating a food that contains antioxidants or supplement with them. You can buy all sorts of antioxidant drinks. This is one of the biggest health benefits of watermelon.
Macular Degeneration
Eating watermelon can protect against the negative effects of macular degeneration. Macular degeneration is just a fancy word for loss of vision. It fights the age-related symptoms of vision loss. Studies show that eating watermelon is actually healthy for your eyes than eating carrots. That is true in both short-term and long-term vision loss.
Cancer Fighting Properties
Supplementing watermelon into your diet can help prevent and fight cancer. It does this because of its rich antioxidant profile. The antioxidants of the watermelon are very concentrated and kill the cancer causing free radicals. They especially help prevent heart and colon cancers. Of all health benefits of watermelon this is probably the most significant one. Any food that fights cancer provides great health benefits.
Nutrient Profile Per Serving

• Vitamin A: 10%
• Vitamin C: 25%
• Vitamin B6: 10%
• Vitamin B1: 10%
• Magnesium: 7%
• Potassium: 5%

So go ahead..eat up! Rock the pink stains on your shirt..it's good for you;)

"That's awesome! Keep it up!"

Seriously? Am I the only person in the world who wants to punch the person in the face who says this after you state your weight loss stats?
"I lost 90 lbs! Ah! I can't believe it!"
"Yeah? That's great. Now..keep going"

Don't be surprised when you say this to me I kick you in the balls. If your a woman you are begging for a boob punch. I know some people don't mean it the way that it sounds but I can't help but think something totally different. ("She's still such a fat ass. I hope she doesn't think she's done! Watch her give up")
Yeah ok so maybe my mind is a little messed up. But what girls isn't? Especially a girl who has battled  her weight her entire life? So next time you say something like that to us girls trying to lose that entire extra person stuck to our ass's stop and think first. Is that really the best thing to say? Just tell us we look awesome. We probably won't believe you but it will feel good anyway!

"You lost an America's Next Top Model!"

Those are the words people have been saying to me when I tell them I've now lost....drum roll please....
90 lbs! I can't believe it myself. If you had asked me mid July of last year if I could lose 90 lbs I would have spit out my Dorito's and laughed in your face. I know when you first start a diet you feel like It's never going to happen but trust me...it WILL happen. And it's the most awesome feeling. I am 57 lbs away from my goal weight. Though at my goal I am not sure if I will want to lose even more. It's been so long since I've been thin I have no clue whatsoever what the right weight is for me.
I'm so excited to continue my journey! And keep kicking my own butt! Those of you who knows this feeling of stepping on the scale and seeing yourself hit mini goals (every 10 lbs for me) you know it's one of the most wonderful feelings in the world taking the #2 spot under seeing my son smile at me and tell me how much he loves me.

I completely believe I can do this! I can be happy with my body. I can be confident. I can be the kick butt active silly mama I want to be!

Apples Apples Apples!

So Jackie Warner kicked my butt. Today is the very first day I was able to not feel pain or feel sick. It's been weeks since the hell began with that workout and finally I can get into the swing on things.

In my last post I talked about calories. Turns out those calories became addictive(Oh wow big surprise there) and I went back to that restaurant 2 more times. I promised myself I would make up for it and I'll be damned if I lie to myself or let myself down. There are to many in my life who have done that for me.
So two days ago I began with a "Apple cleanse" which was only supposed to be a 24 hr thing. Just apples all day and tea or water. But I found that it was easier then I had thought. I allowed myself to take a bite of food here and there throughout the day of things I liked but I made sure to include apples as my main meals and drink yummy Fiji water. Day 1 I lost .6 lbs. Day 2 I lost 2.6 lbs. so now we will see what tomorrow brings:)

I've officially lost 84 lbs so far! Who would have thought I could have made it even this far? I feel like i'm going to show the world what I can do.

Calories are sex!

So guess how many days I was on bed rest?
5!
Isn't that insane? Thanks Jillian.

Monday I felt ok so I worked out but the day ended with me suddenly down with the intense cramps which were my ovaries being extremely inflamed and irritated. This lasted until Wednesday. Finally I thought I felt better so I got up and went grocery shopping. Bad idea. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! I just wasn't ready which leads my body to coming down with a terrible UTI. I lay in bed and wake up the next day to a intense pain on my left side. Now I had pancreas pain. This was awful. To the point where I was in tears crying out for help and finally that ended yesterday late but I still felt sore and not hungry at all. There was one day I skipped eating all together and yesterday I only had a handful of grapes and some nuts.
Now today I woke up feeling good but still not very hungry,really weak and tired but I dragged myself out of bed and did a couple things around the house. There is where food comes into the picture. My mom wanted to go out and check out how one of our restaurants was doing after the owner updated things. I don't know HOW this ended up like it did but it turned into calorie fest!

Now don't get me wrong. Usually I have fairly good self control but today I felt my body craving calories like it needed them,and since this was unlike the normal" Oh that looks good" I decided to give in.
I shared an order of hand cut fries,and an order of jalapeno poppers with my son and let me tell you,those calories were better then sex. Shut up. I'm serious. I can't play innocent here. I have a three year old so no matter what my choices are now you know I've had sex in the past and this food was just AMAZING.
I know tomorrow i'll look at the scale and cry but honestly..how can I? I had a great time,and I didn't feel left out because I was chewing on a leaf of lettuce. So girls...Give your body what it needs. If it want's calories give it calories. It isn't something you allow yourself to do all the time but you need to give yourself a break. You work hard,now go play hard!

P.s Did I mention that I feel awesome for the first time in a week right now? Calories for the win!